As the quarantine wears on, I've gone through various stages of "Wow, this is fun!" to "I can get all this work done!" to "Do I have to get up now?" to "What are we getting for takeout today?". Every week my attitude changes and just when I think I'm doing alright, my brain sends another message. This week's is : We still don't know enough about the Coronvirus, how can we go outside?
After some discussion in the house, it was decided that I would go with a jacket and mask and just go in and out. This was a reminder for me because I love to browse Target. Running to the store usually takes an hour and a half because of this browsing. Just picking up one thing? An hour and a half.
Once I was in the parking lot, I adjusted my mask and locked my car. Remember I said I lived a ten minute walk to my Target? Still I drove and I'm not sure why. Now I remember. I wasn't feeling well. With the car suitably parked in what has been called another zip code, I started for the door feeling uncomfortable. People were going to stare or maybe, ugh! talk to me! Do I look awful or just paranoid or like I'm contagious? These are the thoughts running through my head as I avoided anyone walking in or out of Target while I stared at my home screen on my phone pretending to read something.
It was better in the store. Not many people had masks on which immediately triggered my germ alarm. How do they know they aren't infecting someone who could die from it?
But I was still wrapped in my own masked covered world as I walked the main hallway noticing that the shelves and end-caps weren't as neat as they usually are. I ducked into the shampoo aisle to avoid a couple about to walk by me, not because I was worried about getting something (I had my mask), but just not wanting to make eye contact, or anything with another human being. Is it sad that your everyday person in a store makes me nervous?
Zig-zagging through the beautifying aisles (which are useless right now), I reached the pharmacy without incident, meaning without having to pass anyone. The pharmacists were masked and working hard. A fabric divider kept me four feet away from the counter but I didn't mind. The pharmacist which I've known for a long time didn't recognize me. I'd shaved my hair and don't have bangs anymore. It's definitely a change. But I like it. The pharmacists smiled behind her mask. I know this because she always smiles at me and probably all the customers. She look tired and worried but friendly. The tired and worried are very different from what she usually is like so I ask how she is. She tells me that things are going and that she's getting by. I tell her how glad I am she isn't sick. As I slide my card through and finish the transaction, she reminds me to enjoy the sunshine, something I didn't even notice when I was walking into the store. Sunshine, a rare commodity in the Central New York area this time of year and I missed it. By the time I exited the store only five minutes from when I entered, and there were tiny snow flurries dancing about. That's the kind of weather we have in spring.
Now the rest of this week's message is: "I'm happy to be feeling better and can't think beyond that."
Maybe that's what I am taking away from this. We can't think too much about the future, not all the time. We have to think about the little challenges that were met and overcome.
I'm on my way to pick up a take out order with a firmer sense of contentment instead of dread. Little victory for a quarantine stuck writer / librarian!
AG
Images from https://pixabay.com/
