What to do when a post hurts you...

 My appreciation to Nick Stefan for holding up a tiny mirror for me with just one Twitter. The result is this little blog entry.

What to do when someone hates your work

I've been thinking about finding ways to protect myself from hurt when someone gives me a bad review. It is easy to hurt me, I know it. Am I strong enough to withstand any firestorm or apathy that could, should, will occur when someone reads my writing?


How can I let it roll off my back, like some say I should? Writers, artists and performers, when they offer their work to the world, lay a bit of their souls on the line. The diversity of humankind is both a blessing and a curse. When we create something, there has to be reaction and comment.

Panic Turtle from AnnasSketchStudio

And why not?

Artists are creatures that live to exhibit to the world. Creative expression is connected to the hope that there are others out there that will value it for the heart we put into it.  It isn't that we're masochists, wishing for someone to hurt us.

We have an insane need to express ourselves.

So why do negative comments, mild or acidic,  live in our heads longer than all the positive and encouraging statements?

I've been here and was angry at my perceived weakness and insecurity about my work.

There are three obvious truths I remind myself to offset hurtful comments.

First: 

Your work triggered something in people. It touched them. Regardless of the tone of the comment, they HAD to say something.
You made an impact!

You connected to another human being with that bit of your soul that was laid out there to be trampled on or uplifted by anyone.



Because it effected them, I DO know we did our job: we entertained, enlightened, disgusted.

Evoked a response. 

Second:

Remember that those comments aren’t a reflection of us but the composer. Their response is theirs. 

We can’t fathom what will touch or disgust someone. We may think we know, but each individual reacts to things with a set of experiences and emotions we can’t begin to fully understand. I can’t even understand my own reactions to things at times.

Your work made them hold a tiny mirror in front of themselves. It revealed a piece of themselves they didn’t want to see. You made them look at themselves. They're exposed and angry at you for provoking them. They lash out, wanting to hurt like they do.

I applaud those who can evoke a strong emotion in me whether disgust or joy, because it reminds me that I am still a work in progress, just like my writing. That tiny mirror provides me with more to see and be.

Don’t be afraid to hold your bit of soul out there for others to see and comment. It is their response to YOUR WORK and NOT YOU that makes them lash out.  Whether they gaze into that mirror and open themselves to something new or smash it to bits, is their choice.

You did your job. You gave them a chance to grow and feel. 

Third:

Be true to yourself. Your work reflects a bit of you and shouldn't that be something genuine and honest?

When it's time to turn out the lights, you should be able to look back at and be able to say:

I wrote, performed, painted, etc. because I believed in it. I don't have to defend it. It is.

Addendum:

I have to mention professional reviewers. It is my assumption that people who review art have knowledge and experience that will allow them to provide both a critique and reasons for their approval or disapproval.  I count this as constructive criticism and priceless in improving myself.  

If you have gotten this far, I am grateful. Something I said resonated for you. I hope so.

P.S.  

I arrived at all these thoughts during one of the most mundane of activities. I was spending time in nature, picking up the gifts my dogs left in my yard. Doing this leaves me both humble and thoughtful, and ironic and silly, and ...

What I learned from The Foreigner and Logan

The Action, Suspense, Thriller Aspects of Story based on The Foreigner and Logan

I love movies but usually don't go to them alone. It makes me uncomfortable. Maybe because I don't 
have anyone to talk to before and after or maybe I just feel like a loser sitting by myself (of course the 
theater is dark so who can tell?). I did, however, go to see The Foreigner with Jackie Chan and Pierce
Brosnan. It’s about a Chinese immigrant to England whose teenage daughter is killed by a terrorist 
bomb. The movie relates the man's quest for vengeance against the bombers while bursting into the 
long-standing conflict between England and Northern Ireland.

This movie is especially relevant to today's times since Great Britain's move away from the European 
Union. The Foreigner brought home to me how precarious the situation still is in Ireland. How will the 
relationship between England and Ireland withstand this huge change? Ireland is staying with the 
European Union so all the complex trade and border crossing issues are going to have to be worked 
out by people smarter than me.

It also reminded me what a good suspense-filled story can do. My heart was still beating for hours 
after I finished the movie. Reviewers said he was wooden but his portrayal made sense as his history 
unfolded. Each small insight into his character, hinted at in the initial scenes, wove a tapestry of events
that shaped the man and drove him to react to his daughter’s death. That is the heart of a good story 
- the behavior of the main character must be driven throughout to actions that seem to have no other 
recourse.

There is something ultra-organized and technical about writing suspense and mystery. Planning for 
inclusion and exclusion of facts are integral to improving suspense (and to avoid giving away the 
ending!).  The story must be mapped out, keeping meticulous track of each fact, scene and dialog so
that it pulls the reader closer and closer to the solution but doesn’t quite get them there until the end. 
The importance of a tightly-knit story, like The Foreigner, has to be honed to the bare essentials 
(including misdirection) but with enough detail to make the reader think they can solve the riddle.

Then there is Logan. Hugh Jackman’s Wolverine character has his swan-song that is filled with, not 
superhero battles and world-saving events but one man saving one young girl. Logan’s reluctance to 
help in the first half of the film truly sets the stage and creates suspense, waiting for the inevitable. He 
must take action because we all know it isn’t in his nature to leave someone in distress. 

Logan was suspense-filled not so much because of the writing but the established characters. Fans of 
Wolverine know the backstory of this character and have certain expectations. To change a beloved 
character due to age or story line is taking a gamble but for this movie, it works. Logan is older, slowly
losing the strength and regenerative powers that made him invincible. After years, he is mortal and
liable to be wounded so that he won’t ever heal. Logan had so much to tell and put into the story 
because of his past, that the fundamental story was muddied.

The Foreigner couldn't rely on audience knowledge to help tell the story but that is actually one of the 
movie’s strengths. It all had to be told meticulously, introduced bit by bit to build suspense, curiosity 
and care about the character. He cannot commit to the woman who has been his helpmate for years 
and stops working in his restaurant because of his inner conflict. Still, even the little we learn initially 
reveals a character that has no other choice but to seek vengeance. 

Logan, to me, seemed different from The Foreigner but actually it has many of the same themes. The 
main character is on a journey (like all good story characters do) and that journey is filled with peril.  
Logan spends much of his time avoiding involvement, to stay out of the situation - but can't. Why? 
Because of who he is. As in The Foreigner, Logan is driven by his personality and experiences to be 
involved, and to sacrifice much of himself in the process. Ironically, in each of these movies, neither 
main character changes very much at the end but the world around them, the people around them, does. 
These men make a difference to those they have influenced and that is their lasting achievement. 

Violence and action play a huge role in the plot of each film. Both characters avoid violence until an act 
of violence hurts someone or something they care about. Both make a conscious decision to be the 
wheel that drives others toward success or failure. They know the consequences of their involvement, 
shy away from it, but still take action.

It's been three years since these movies came out. Why am I mentioning them now? Because they still 
resonate. They still speak to us about the power of a common man, a person who has to step back 
into a former life in order to exact revenge or save a life. It is relevant because there are still times when 
all of us at one time or another want to exact "our pound of flesh" but can't. We stop ourselves because 
as much as we want to be as brave as the people in our movies, we live in the real world where the good
guys don’t always win. 

AG Jerome