What to do when a post hurts you...

 My appreciation to Nick Stefan for holding up a tiny mirror for me with just one Twitter. The result is this little blog entry.

What to do when someone hates your work

I've been thinking about finding ways to protect myself from hurt when someone gives me a bad review. It is easy to hurt me, I know it. Am I strong enough to withstand any firestorm or apathy that could, should, will occur when someone reads my writing?


How can I let it roll off my back, like some say I should? Writers, artists and performers, when they offer their work to the world, lay a bit of their souls on the line. The diversity of humankind is both a blessing and a curse. When we create something, there has to be reaction and comment.

Panic Turtle from AnnasSketchStudio

And why not?

Artists are creatures that live to exhibit to the world. Creative expression is connected to the hope that there are others out there that will value it for the heart we put into it.  It isn't that we're masochists, wishing for someone to hurt us.

We have an insane need to express ourselves.

So why do negative comments, mild or acidic,  live in our heads longer than all the positive and encouraging statements?

I've been here and was angry at my perceived weakness and insecurity about my work.

There are three obvious truths I remind myself to offset hurtful comments.

First: 

Your work triggered something in people. It touched them. Regardless of the tone of the comment, they HAD to say something.
You made an impact!

You connected to another human being with that bit of your soul that was laid out there to be trampled on or uplifted by anyone.



Because it effected them, I DO know we did our job: we entertained, enlightened, disgusted.

Evoked a response. 

Second:

Remember that those comments aren’t a reflection of us but the composer. Their response is theirs. 

We can’t fathom what will touch or disgust someone. We may think we know, but each individual reacts to things with a set of experiences and emotions we can’t begin to fully understand. I can’t even understand my own reactions to things at times.

Your work made them hold a tiny mirror in front of themselves. It revealed a piece of themselves they didn’t want to see. You made them look at themselves. They're exposed and angry at you for provoking them. They lash out, wanting to hurt like they do.

I applaud those who can evoke a strong emotion in me whether disgust or joy, because it reminds me that I am still a work in progress, just like my writing. That tiny mirror provides me with more to see and be.

Don’t be afraid to hold your bit of soul out there for others to see and comment. It is their response to YOUR WORK and NOT YOU that makes them lash out.  Whether they gaze into that mirror and open themselves to something new or smash it to bits, is their choice.

You did your job. You gave them a chance to grow and feel. 

Third:

Be true to yourself. Your work reflects a bit of you and shouldn't that be something genuine and honest?

When it's time to turn out the lights, you should be able to look back at and be able to say:

I wrote, performed, painted, etc. because I believed in it. I don't have to defend it. It is.

Addendum:

I have to mention professional reviewers. It is my assumption that people who review art have knowledge and experience that will allow them to provide both a critique and reasons for their approval or disapproval.  I count this as constructive criticism and priceless in improving myself.  

If you have gotten this far, I am grateful. Something I said resonated for you. I hope so.

P.S.  

I arrived at all these thoughts during one of the most mundane of activities. I was spending time in nature, picking up the gifts my dogs left in my yard. Doing this leaves me both humble and thoughtful, and ironic and silly, and ...