What is being a good friend? Do you have more acquaintances and few close friends? Who do you call on when you are in trouble?
I've been pondering these questions lately. It seems to me that family is who you're stuck with and can interact or avoid as you wish. But friends need nurturing, at least the close ones. I try to feed my close friends whenever I can. That leads me to what has been happening lately.
I think sometimes it doesn't work to try to give your friend everything they want, to always be there to help them and support them. It sounds like I'm a rotten friend but it's true.
In order to be a good friend you must first be a good friend to yourself. I recently realized this. I would give up something I wanted to be with a friend or rushed over to help someone instead of taking care of myself.
The consequence of always being there:
- Your "friend" thinks you will always be there and will call you for anything including things that are inconvenient for them and nearly impossible for you.
- They will take all you have to give and throw scraps to you because often you don't ask for much.
But there is such a thing as too much of a good thing. A "friend" who, over the years takes and takes, will expect to always be able to take.
Make no mistake. I'm responsible for what happens. It's easy to take advantage of me (well, not anymore).
A good friend recognizes that trait in me and refuses to ask for too much. I know this to be true since I have friends who are like that. These are my most cherished people. They want to be equal partners in the relationship - giving and taking.
That leads me to the second point: Saying NO.
No matter how important that person is to you, you can still say no to them and they will have to deal with it. No isn't goodbye. It's, 'I can't help right now. I have other responsibilities'.
It is difficult. And I'm still learning.
Keep posted!
AG
